i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
