is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
