i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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