is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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