Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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