Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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