2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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