You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
