How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My dick has a subreddit
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize