do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
