i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
