so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
