A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
