Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
