My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
