Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
