I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
