Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize