Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have aggressive nipples.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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