yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
