Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
