i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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