apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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