I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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