So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
