In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
The power of my boobs compel you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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