Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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