i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
