He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
