Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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