Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
