theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
