Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize