that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize