Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I supernannyed him into submission
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
