Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
