gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
