I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
