I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
