so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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