I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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