just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
