Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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