my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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