I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
