how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
