In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
