ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
organizing the empties. That sober.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
