this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
