Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
