theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
