I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
