making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
