I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
