Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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