hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
