I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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