Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
