Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
