So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
