Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize