Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
