just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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