I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
