There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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