i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
