I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
worst night to have a conscience
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
