Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
