i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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